year of 2012

today is the last day of 2012
in just one year i lost a lot,
i lost 2 people that i always care
i lost the one that i love
i lost the trust of my friends and companion
i cry a lot on the year of 2012
if can i don want to remember everything
if can i don want to go through everything
2012 is a year i shed too much tear
i hope on the year of 2013 will be much better

remind of you

is almost been 2nd week
i still remember you..
the  memory together with you is hard to vanish in the thin air
the happy, angry and sad moment with you is very cherish in me
all those memory bring a lot of knowledge, understanding in love
u are the second person that i really fell in love with..
even though i already been date a lot of times
the first love is when i was in secondary school and it took me 5 years to forget about him
how long will u last in mine mind?
i still counting the days..
the  memory  of you make me remind of you
even i dream of you holding my hand
i know this will took sometimes and i know it will be longer than my 1st love
cause u are the deepest love i ever felt
but i know even i thinking of u at here...
u won think of me over there
i know that a lost of someone mean so much in you
but i know losing me is not much effect on you
cause u are the type of person will stand up back just in one day
i really hope that i can be like you
forget everything just in one day

ur reply

today i have receive ur message from u~
u juz say as u wish~
and i know wat u really mean~
thank you for stay by my side for a long time
thank you for help me stand up back
thsnk you for always care about me
thank you for being the best person for me
thank you for everything~
i do really love u but i do really know that u won be mine
i do really like u but i know we not meant for each other
i cry when i see ur reply, i worry wat u are thinking
but i too selfish to let u face something like this
i am sorry
i hope u all the best
u will sure meet someone will always care about u
and i believe u will be very happy with u life
i really hope that person will be me
in reality it won be me~
thank you~

12.12.12.~ is a foolish act on the beautiful day

yesterday on 12.12.12~
is a beautiful day when i wake up...
i look outside of my window at 8.30am in the morning
i can still see the cloud covering the earth
at the 9.30am i walk to class still can see the cloud covering the beautiful earth
i was thinking, is this a sign tell me that is not the same as always?
i thinking every each hours and i have come out an conclusion
that i going to send u a break up letter for u~
so yesterday night i took a long time to write and read it again
ensure the letter is not hurt u a lot
i know u have break up with ur GF
but still i think and i can feel that u won be mine even i waiting
this is why the letter come along~
i half writing the letter half thinking is this the best solution for both of us?
should i face to face meet u and have a talk about this?
but i know that if i meet u face to face
maybe i have a hard time to say it out... and even i maybe will cry
this date only come once in a life time...
and there won be a beautiful date like this
but i am sorry at i choose this date...
only this date i have a courage to tell u everything..
i am sorry that i hold in for so long
until i cannot breath
i don know when u will saw this letter
it making me nervous  for waiting for ur respond
please faster read the letter and respond to me
don let me wait for a long time
arigato~

My dream make me worst

Suddenly dream of him~
i look out of window to see the sight of him together with his friends
but i cannot see him
i try to search and search~
but i don see him
suddenly a pair of hands put and my shoulder
and start to pull me away from the window..
i feel tickle and try to push hand away
then i saw a silver ring on his little finger...
as i remember he is wearing a black ring a pair with his GF
but y suddenly wear a silver ring, almost same like mine
i cannot ask him.. in my dream i only keep in heart
while pushing away his hand.
he move is hand and start to hug me in behind..
i was shock and saw his half of the face as he was really sad
i try to pull away from him
but didn't success
suddenly his bite my ear and start kissing at there..
i want to stop him as i remember he has a GF..
but i don know y i didn~
why i start dream of him.. since  have let him go
why he still here.. even i have shed a lot of tear because of him
why it become like this...
when i wake up~
i start to confuse, scare, and headache
and i can still fill his hug and his arm around me
am i start to missing him~

the person i know

The 1st half year i know him
he is a very supportive person, he do a lot of things and make sure everything is perfect
he cares a lot of people and care about me also, i got caught him glare at me..
just to ensure that i am safe and ensure my work done.
he take a very good care of me

the 2nd half year i know him
he always pick up my call even ever i call him
he make me laugh with all his jokes and always give me a guideline to every problem i faces
he will make me laugh when i was n stress, moody and sad.
he always bring me go out to play when i asked
he bring a lot of joy in my life

the 3rd half year i know him
he bring me a lot of joy at the beginning and a lot of tear at the end
he start to disappoint me in every acts and choice that he do
he start to act serious,egois, and selfish in everything and sometime make me boil
he start to change a lot and it getting worse each day it pass
he start to bring sadness in my life and left me alone to walk all of it

the 4th half year i know him
he start to get missing from my life
he don care about me anymore
he sometime left a message but it won mean anything to me anymore
he really change a lot as what a lot of people telling me
now i don know who he was

letting u go~

i have choose on letting go of u~
by letting u go
i will have a very peace of mind and soul
coz i have been tired of crying
until my tear already dry out
and at that time i know is time to let u go
i know that i the one need to took the 1st step
the 1st step on letting u go
u may not know about this
but i hope u will  realise it
and letting me go too~
we have been holding too long
letting u go~
i will have a better life
even i have miss u everyday

Stop play girl life

What with u?
sometime u treat me hot
sometime u treat me cold..
which one u want...
just choose one
don flip every 5 minutes
choose either one of it
stupid MAN!!!
u are playing with a girl life
u think i stupid enough didn see this
this is all u guys play...
to make girl want more...
u think we girl are a DOG
if u like that
i going to play back like this
changing u become one

be ur self or change?? is ur choice

i love who u are
i like the real u when u are with me
ur attitude, ur smile, ur laugh and ur stupid jokes
i like that~
please don change
just because u have start dating with a perfect gal
don change juz because she say so..
but if that wat u choose
then it will be a goodbye between u and me..
goodbye for all the memories that u give me
i will keep it
even u have forget about it...
thanks for everything

i think we have done

been away for 4 days

i feel very relax, even still miss u 

thinking what are u doing now, 

thinking u must be with ur GF

but i didn feel anything

maybe the relationship between us is already over?

remember u is something that cannot be escape 

where u teach me a lot of things

u show me more about love

u care about me 

u bring a lot of happiness for me

but that all already in the past

i never will feel that again

as u have give to ur GF more

at first i cannot accept this

i cannot accept ur change

but now after times pass

after so many argument that we been through

so many tear, angry, and sadness

that accompany me every night 

i have enough of it..

thank to u... i learn a lot of things...

friendship, love, care, want, let me down, depressed, jealousy,

anger, sadness, let it go, give up and broke up

really thanks u a lot

I hate u but i love u

i hate to remember u everyday
i hate to see ur face
i hate to see ur smile
i hate to see ur post
i hate to see ur comment in my post
i hate the most is that i don have u around me
because ur not mine~
but still i feel in love with u
in love with ur innocent smile
in love with the jokes that u say when ur are with me
in love with the innocent face u show to me when i get mad at u
in love with the care that u gave me
in love with the smell of the perfume u always wear
i still in love with u even though
ur not mine and never be mine~

leave me alone!!!

don treat me so nice if u already have somebody else~
i don wan to build up the relationship between u and me anymore
is enough already...
 i don take a further step that we cannot take...
it will hurt me more than it hurt u~
u making me so confuse even though u already say that we will not be together...
u making me having a really hard time, don u see?
we should stop right here, right now...

do u care about me?

right now feel very tired
tired to walk trough this path
i sacrifice all my things
but  nobody appreciated it
i sacrifice all for the success
but nobody saw it
in the end i the one people call me stupid
yes now i feel i am stupid
stupid to waste all my time in this
as i can done great at academic
stupid to waste my life in this
as i can get a better health

thinking of walking out of this life
as i can have a better life for myself

for a better life

Giving up doesn't mean u lost everything

Giving up mean that u start a new life

A new life not only to u but also him

A new life where can explore a new adventure

An adventure to look for another happiness 

An adventure that will bring another story

A new story of another new u

A new story to write

i hate myself

i hate myself cannot letting u go

i hate myself for accepting u the first place

i hate myself for letting the change slip from my hand

i hate myself for regretting everything 

i hate myself to look normal in front of u but the true is not

i hate myself for loving u right now

i hate myself

i really hate myself 

A Day of Relaxation

long walk today
through a blooming tree
middle of the silent road
under a glooming sky


fell really silent
feel the emptiness 
heart beat very slow
feeling of relax
feel really calm 


thinking of myself
thinking of my life
thinking of my road


seeing all this
i know i will always walk alone
no one would change my fate
no one will change my decision

Exam Exam

facing a lot of exam, 

make me wonder i should continue? or stop half way?

too stress... more stress than working....

i don know how to handling this type of stress

i try to continue with this path...

don wan to regret it on thee half way

don wan to disappoint my parent 

as it also importance to them

In Love?

i confusing 

am i in love or not?

didn't felt any missing him

didn't felt any love to him

didn't felt any thinking of him

but

felt want caring for him

felt want talking to him

felt want finishing my day with him

which is my real feeling? 

does he really the one or he is not?

its getting cold~

what had happen? why getting so cold? 

i cannot bare on cold area

i scare of cold

pls i ask to u my God.. 

pls bring back the feeling of Warm

i miss the feeling of warm

and missing it too much