i hate myself

i hate myself cannot letting u go

i hate myself for accepting u the first place

i hate myself for letting the change slip from my hand

i hate myself for regretting everything 

i hate myself to look normal in front of u but the true is not

i hate myself for loving u right now

i hate myself

i really hate myself 

A Day of Relaxation

long walk today
through a blooming tree
middle of the silent road
under a glooming sky


fell really silent
feel the emptiness 
heart beat very slow
feeling of relax
feel really calm 


thinking of myself
thinking of my life
thinking of my road


seeing all this
i know i will always walk alone
no one would change my fate
no one will change my decision

Exam Exam

facing a lot of exam, 

make me wonder i should continue? or stop half way?

too stress... more stress than working....

i don know how to handling this type of stress

i try to continue with this path...

don wan to regret it on thee half way

don wan to disappoint my parent 

as it also importance to them

In Love?

i confusing 

am i in love or not?

didn't felt any missing him

didn't felt any love to him

didn't felt any thinking of him

but

felt want caring for him

felt want talking to him

felt want finishing my day with him

which is my real feeling? 

does he really the one or he is not?

its getting cold~

what had happen? why getting so cold? 

i cannot bare on cold area

i scare of cold

pls i ask to u my God.. 

pls bring back the feeling of Warm

i miss the feeling of warm

and missing it too much

Been a Sad day

today i see my mom crying from morning to night.. i don't know how i want handle her... i don't know what i need to say, when i saw her cry... i will cry as well... this all happen quite fast and i just blur and don't know what to do. i hate myself.. if i didn't say it out.. this will not happen... i have been face a lot of problem this few days.. all from my institutes then suddenly a big BOOM 

and i shock i don't know how...when i tell my mom, i started to cry.... my mom get MAD then later she cry non stop... i don't know how... all because of good of nothing *%&%^.... i just hate it.

Promise Ring

i have buy myself a Promise Ring as to remind me of Important Promise that i promise my parent and my grandparent.. as i love them a lot so i buy a ring that i will remember them what ever i do and where ever i go.. the not really an expensive ring... is only a silver ring with a cute dolphin that circling a love carve Synthetic Diamond.. the love remind me of my family as i put them at the 1st place... i don't really care what people say about my parent cause in my heart the have been in the 1st place and there no other people can took that place... i have don't a lot of unforgivable thing and that have make me lost focus.. now this ring will remind me what i have done and remind me of my parents that waiting for me to come back with a successful person....